Monday, August 8, 2016

Gratitude

My dining room is also my laundry room extension.  I was folding linens this morning, thinking about all the things for which I am truly thankful.  I can sit down in my own dining room using my own washer and dryer instead of using a laundromat...or a washboard, or a rock along a river.

I was thankful that I could see the tops of the crepe myrtle trees through the window; one pink and one pure white.  They are messy in the yard, as they shed both flowers and bark which ends up in the house...but so beautiful.  They remind me of a high maintenance girlfriend, so gorgeous and beguiling that her beau puts up with anything.

Naturally, I won't show you my dining room table with its alternative function, all rolled up socks and tidy whities and towels.  No, this is Blogland, so I show  you the view after I put all in the laundry basket and leave it near the stairs.  At first, I thought having the small laundry in that spot off the dining room was odd, but now I am thankful that it gives me such a nice sorting and folding space.

I used to find the laundry room depressing with its hodgepodge of ugly Rubbermaid buckets and laundry products all over the place.  About a year ago, I decided to do better than that.  I was going for a 1920's - 1930's look and didn't want to spend much.

I went back to how our great grandmothers did things and replaced the ugly plastic buckets with metal ones, found traditional laundry baskets, and put two old-fashioned irons (called "sad irons" probably because it was pretty sad to use them on a hot summer day) I already had in there.  I love the result, so much improved, and now I like to look in there!

I disliked the sink cabinet, so I bought a vintage sheet for 99 cents at Goodwill and made a skirt for it using a skinny tension rod.
Then I found a really sweet wall hanging, I'm note quite sure what to call it, for half price at Michaels.
The laundry room is long, narrow, and hard to photograph, particularly on a cloudy, soggy day like today.  We can just barely fit a stack-able washer and dryer in the space which used to be a shower. This was a 2/3 of bathroom:  a sink and a shower stall.  But, I'm so thankful that it DOES fit, because otherwise, I'd have to give up the eat-in part of my kitchen for a laundry room.

The Bible says that godliness with contentment is great gain.  I probably could spend the rest of my life trying to figure out the exact way to apply this to my life, but I know this:  the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years spent with much ingratitude, grumbling, and complaining.  I don't want to wander through my "deserts" for years longer than needed for the same reason.

The most uncomplaining person I've ever known was my dear grandmother, Helen.  I called her Helen because I was the first grandchild and everyone forgot to tell me to call her Grandma or Nanny or Gram.  Not Meemaw, though.  We don't do Meemaw up north.  I called my grandfather Bobby - hilarious in retrospect.   He was a skinny, grumbly ( I think I just made up that word) man, a lawyer with spectator shoes and a bow tie who looked nothing like a "Bobby."  

He should have been a "Norman" or an "Edward," but there I was at age 2 playing with a blue toy phone. There was a party that night.  I looked up at him, phone in hand, and said, "Bobby, you better behave yourself tonight."   Bobby drank a lot and I had overhead my mother worrying aloud about it.

Anyway, back to Helen.  She had what seemed to be hard life with a difficult man who drank.  She had two sons in Vietnam at the same time.  She had ulcers, problems with her feet, and towards the end of her life, heart trouble. She felt tremendous grief when my parents divorced.

Sometimes I'd call her "working grandmother."  I was the only kid I knew whose grandmother worked  She was a school secretary and retired after many year's service.  Then she worked at my uncle's dental office, confirming appointments, pulling files for the next day, and picking up everyone's lunch...making it.

Here's the key to her life lived in Jesus. I never heard her complain.  She thought the best of everyone.  I never, ever heard her say a bad thing about anyone.  Even when Bobby was at his worst moments, she would say, "I know he loves me." She went to church services every day, not because she felt that she had to, but because she wanted to worship as often as she could.

Helen worked (without complaint) when women often didn't. Bobby's income often was affected by his alcoholism. She blessed hundreds of children at Norris School and many of the teachers.

Helen changed what she could and accepted what she could not, all with gratitude. She was a thrift-store, auction, and curbside girl when no one else did that.  My grandmother created an elegant, but comfortable home filled with plants, light, and treasures she had brought home.  The collections she created are quite valuable now, but what I value is her uncomplaining example.

I still dream of her there at 23 Wind Road coming up from her laundry room, basket in hand, ready to hang clothes.  I see her pulling a roast out of the oven and mashing potatoes for a family dinner.  In my mind, she is still knitting amazing Irish pullovers, needles clicking as her fingers fly.  My grandmother was industrious and when we encouraged her to nap, she would say, "I'll have plenty of time to nap when I'm six feet under," which would crack me up.

That silver service in the top picture is a precious possession.  It was hers, lovingly passed down to me.  We would polish it together when I was small enough to need to stand on a chair to reach the sink.  Grape leaves and vines twist around it, "I am the Vine and you are the branches." A life lived in God.

Below is a beautiful newspaper photograph from Ireland, an engagement announcement.  It is from a scrapbook belonging to a relative who did not come to America.  Some kind Beausang (Helen's maiden name) relative put this picture on line.  God bless him or her.  I cannot tell you what it meant to find this treasure last month.


Gratitude

My dining room is also my laundry room extension.  I was folding linens this morning, thinking about all the things for which I am truly thankful.  I can sit down in my own dining room using my own washer and dryer instead of using a laundromat...or a washboard, or a rock along a river.

I was thankful that I could see the tops of the crepe myrtle trees through the window; one pink and one pure white.  They are messy in the yard, as they shed both flowers and bark which ends up in the house...but so beautiful.  They remind me of a high maintenance girlfriend, so gorgeous and beguiling that her beau puts up with anything.

Naturally, I won't show you my dining room table with its alternative function, all rolled up socks and tidy whities and towels.  No, this is Blogland, so I show  you the view after I put all in the laundry basket and leave it near the stairs.  At first, I thought having the small laundry in that spot off the dining room was odd, but now I am thankful that it gives me such a nice sorting and folding space.

I used to find the laundry room depressing with its hodgepodge of ugly Rubbermaid buckets and laundry products all over the place.  About a year ago, I decided to do better than that.  I was going for a 1920's - 1930's look and didn't want to spend much.

I went back to how our great grandmothers did things and replaced the ugly plastic buckets with metal ones, found traditional laundry baskets, and put two old-fashioned irons (called "sad irons" probably because it was pretty sad to use them on a hot summer day) I already had in there.  I love the result, so much improved, and now I like to look in there!

I disliked the sink cabinet, so I bought a vintage sheet for 99 cents at Goodwill and made a skirt for it using a skinny tension rod.
Then I found a really sweet wall hanging, I'm note quite sure what to call it, for half price at Michaels.
The laundry room is long, narrow, and hard to photograph, particularly on a cloudy, soggy day like today.  We can just barely fit a stack-able washer and dryer in the space which used to be a shower. This was a 2/3 of bathroom:  a sink and a shower stall.  But, I'm so thankful that it DOES fit, because otherwise, I'd have to give up the eat-in part of my kitchen for a laundry room.

The Bible says that godliness with contentment is great gain.  I probably could spend the rest of my life trying to figure out the exact way to apply this to my life, but I know this:  the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years spent with much ingratitude, grumbling, and complaining.  I don't want to wander through my "deserts" for years longer than needed for the same reason.

The most uncomplaining person I've ever known was my dear grandmother, Helen.  I called her Helen because I was the first grandchild and everyone forgot to tell me to call her Grandma or Nanny or Gram.  Not Meemaw, though.  We don't do Meemaw up north.  I called my grandfather Bobby - hilarious in retrospect.   He was a skinny, grumbly ( I think I just made up that word) man, a lawyer with spectator shoes and a bow tie who looked nothing like a "Bobby."  

He should have been a "Norman" or an "Edward," but there I was at age 2 playing with a blue toy phone. There was a party that night.  I looked up at him, phone in hand, and said, "Bobby, you better behave yourself tonight."   Bobby drank a lot and I had overhead my mother worrying aloud about it.

Anyway, back to Helen.  She had what seemed to be hard life with a difficult man who drank.  She had two sons in Vietnam at the same time.  She had ulcers, problems with her feet, and towards the end of her life, heart trouble. She felt tremendous grief when my parents divorced.

Sometimes I'd call her "working grandmother."  I was the only kid I knew whose grandmother worked  She was a school secretary and retired after many year's service.  Then she worked at my uncle's dental office, confirming appointments, pulling files for the next day, and picking up everyone's lunch...making it.

Here's the key to her life lived in Jesus. I never heard her complain.  She thought the best of everyone.  I never, ever heard her say a bad thing about anyone.  Even when Bobby was at his worst moments, she would say, "I know he loves me." She went to church services every day, not because she felt that she had to, but because she wanted to worship as often as she could.

Helen worked (without complaint) when women often didn't.  Bobby's income often was affected by his alcoholism. She blessed hundreds of children at Norris School and many of the teachers.

Helen changed what she could and accepted what she could not, all with gratitude. She was a thrift-store, auction, and curbside girl when no one else did that.  My grandmother created an elegant, but comfortable home filled with plants, light, and treasures she had brought home.  The collections she created are quite valuable now, but what I value is her uncomplaining example.

I still dream of her there at 23 Wind Road coming up from her laundry room, basket in hand, ready to hang clothes.  I see her pulling a roast out of the oven and mashing potatoes for a family dinner.  In my mind, she is still knitting amazing Irish pullovers, needles clicking as her fingers fly.  My grandmother was industrious and when we encouraged her to nap, she would say, "I'll have plenty of time to nap when I'm six feet under," which would crack me up.

That silver service in the top picture is a precious possession.  It was hers, lovingly passed down to me.  We would polish it together when I was small enough to need to stand on a chair to reach the sink.  Grape leaves and vines twist around it, "I am the Vine and you are the branches." A life lived in God.

Below is a beautiful newspaper photograph from Ireland, an engagement announcement.  It is from a scrapbook belonging to a relative who did not come to America.  Some kind Beausang (Helen's maiden name) relative put this picture on line.  God bless him or her.  I cannot tell you what it meant to find this treasure last month.


Sunday, August 7, 2016

On Back Pain, Heroin, and Kindness



I've experienced chronic back pain since I took a nose dive on some black ice when I was in junior high in New York.  I slipped on the top of our stoop, as we called it up North.  The term comes from an old Dutch word back when the Dutch owned New York, and the tidy Dutch housewives in the New World would vie with each other to see whose front steps would be the brush-cleaned brightest.

We lived on a hill in Kings Park.  If you're from Long Island, as I am, one needs to specify whether you mean Kings Park, the town or Kings Park, the State Mental Institution.  Thus, I was relieved when we moved to Stony Brook, a university town with a mill pond down the street,and only one step into the house.

Up on the stoop's first step, I had no idea that the area was covered in black ice.  My breath puffed out in a cloud in the dim early morning, still not totally light.  I slipped on the top step and went down the stairs and sidewalk on my back, landing in  heap at the curb.  I could hear the bus coming and needing to be a cool teenager, I artfully arranged  myself on the bottom step, nearly faint from pain, and sat there as if I was waiting for someone.  I waved as the bus went by.   Then, I had to crawl back up the hill.

Mostly, I am grateful that God has been with me over so many years of mostly being pain free with flare ups from time to time.  I am thankful for the 21 Navy years my husband worked under the water to ensure my medical care is extremely affordable.

However, I am in the middle of a flare up, so I faced Wednesday at work with grim determination.  I looked into our often malodorous waiting room, and saw people both sitting and standing in the too-small space.  One man stood near the door on one foot, with pain etched in his face, so I asked if he needed help.  He needed to do some business as a registered sex offender, which is what I do.

With my Sgt. sitting in the office, I  brought him in and assisted him in re-registering as required. Let's call him Mr. T.  Don't picture a big black man with bling, a Mohawk and an attitude, though, He was white, in his forties, a face showing a hard life, dressed neatly in old jeans and a nothing looking shirt that I can't recall.  He clasped his hands between his legs while I worked and my kind Sgt. assisted with looking up some information

He told me that he was in agony from back pain. I could see that this was true by just looking at him I worked as swiftly as I could, left a copy of his paperwork in his trooper's in-box, and asked if there was anything I could do to help him.

"I think I probably should go to the ER and get an MRI," he said, leaning on the door jamb.

"I think that's a good idea, " I replied.

"I don't have medical insurance," he said.

"Go anyway and you can work something out with the billing office,"

He thanked me profusely and limped out, past four people waiting for employment finger prints, squished uncomfortably next to each other on a small bench.   He wished me a blessed day.  I prayed for him as I filed the paperwork.

The next morning, I received an email from Tpr D, a dignified and accomplished law enforcement officer not given to hyperbole or wasted time.  It said simply, "Mr. T died last night from a heroin overdose.  Since you did his paperwork, I thought you would want to know."

I experienced this as a punch in my stomach.  No one who plans to end his life comes to us to register. What would be the point?  No, I imagine that he became involved in the use of street drugs as a method of self-medicating this intolerable, grinding,stabbing evil pain that I know too well. There but for the grace of God go I.

When I tell folks what I do for a living, they often recoil in horror.  However, the people that I work with aren't horrifying to me.  Sometimes they are truly evil people who have no sense of guilt. They grumble about the system being fixed.  They must be monitored carefully.

Often, they just people who made a mistake years ago and have to pay for it every single day for the rest of their lives.  As one older offender said to me, "Ma'am, if I had murdered someone, it would be easier than this."  He's right.

This whole issue illustrates the tension between personal rights and public safety.  How do we ensure that the community is safe, while at the same time not stigmatizing the person to the extent that he can't rehabilitate?  Interesting word, stigma. It comes from the Latin term stigmata, that is, Christ's wounds.

Sex offenders are the lepers of 2016; the untouchables, the irredeemables, les mserables, if you will.   If Jesus were walking the earth in human form, that's who he would be walking with. The Bible tells us that he was often in the company of tax collectors, sinners, and fallen women.  No one is beyond God's redemption.

Consider one offender who found God during a long prison sentence.  God gave him the gift of drawing and painting.  Not having any materials and no way to get them, he separated M&M's he bought from the prison commissary, crushed the shells to make his own watercolors, and painted the envelopes he sent home to friends and family with words from scripture.

Soon the prison chaplain took notice and corrections officers brought photographs of their wives and sweethearts for him to paint.  He did charcoal sketches of the life of Jesus and the chaplain sold them for him as part of his outside-the-prison ministry  Then this inmate was able to start taking courses and paying for them with his own earnings.  He was ordained in prison.

Then he was released, rented a house, and received permission to have three other offenders live there with him.   I met with two of them recently in a coffee house.  Before they left, they asked to pray for my back pain and very respectfully The Reverend laid hands on my head and prayed for me. Unredeemable?  I think not.

Remember, the Bible talks about us entertaining strangers unaware.  I once had a difficult offender who had health problems.  We would have to meet at his small apartment.  We talked about God many times.

When the local police called to tell me that he had died unattended, they advised that he was neatly tucked in bed, had not thrashed around at all, so they believed he died peacefully.  I was relieved by that

When I tried to get death information, it came to light that a man born on his birthday, with his social security number, in his home town, had died 7 years before.   Thinking I must be mistaken, I contacted our radio room, who had the same results.  Who was he?  I have no idea.  Maybe an angel sent to change my heart.

In the midst of a busy job which often causes me to work with difficult people, the unwashed, the unlovely, the smart-alecks, the liars, and the completely unrepentant, I must remember this:  I could be entertaining an angel unaware.  I may be meeting with someone on their last day on earth. Redeem the time, the Bible says.

Any of us may be encountering folks with untold grief, oppression, poor health, poverty and other issues which can make them difficult or hard to love. Try to bless them anyway:  the cranky-pants in the express lane with 21 items and a screaming toddler in the cart, the kid from another race who may scare you a little, the stressed-out husband, and the mother losing her memory.  Try a smile, try kindness, try a sincere compliment.  You may be entertaining an angel unaware.

Hebrews 13:2
Angel pic from Tekkan.wikia.com